this is so unlike me, but here goes..

I've actually been meaning to post this for some time. But being caught up in a seemingly endless exam prep and more recently, my post-exam activities, I never had the time to do so till today. So here goes..

I was listening to Taylor Swift's (DON'T LAUGH) album "Fearless" while I was studying one Saturday. And so it came to pass that I heard this song titled "The Best Day". Although it's told from a girl's perspective, and it's estrogen-laden enough to make any guy's stomach churn (slightly), I actually found the lyrics quite meaningful. The song's dedicated to her family, and for once in her life, there are actually rainbows & butterflies.

As the song played on, I recalled all the times mum & dad were there for me when I needed them, and I'd hate to admit it, but I was actually close to tears by the end of the song. I never ever get anywhere remotely close to being this emotional (according to my friends, I have about the same amount of emotional sensitivity as a brick), but this was really it. All the memories of every single wonderful thing they did that's still in my memory came flooding back. From the time I was 3 all the way to this day.

The memories flash through my mind:

I'm 4 years old and my dad's bringing me out to the car park in Braddel View to quite literally, fly a kite. The kite's flying high in the sky, and I don't have a care in the world at all.

I'm 7 years old and I'm in primary school. I don't give two hoots about my studies. I still do relatively ok, but mum & dad are hoping for so much more from me.

I'm 12 years old and I've just recieved my PSLE results. Pathetic. I do well enough to comfortably get into Express stream. Dad's placid. Mum's livid. I was too young to understand the pain & disappointment they must have felt then.

I'm 14 now and I've just messed up my secondary 2 streaming exams. I get into the second-last express class. I have no pure science and no add-maths. My future looks bleak. Mum goes to school to talk to that arse of a maths HOD on the day that my prefect induction camp starts. The appeal fails. My election to the prefectorial board is perhaps the only event worth remembering in an otherwise totally horrible year - possibly the worst year of my life so far. I wake up my idea and study hard from then on..

I'm 16, and I'm in my O Level year. I'm doing well in school. Acing everything and topping my class. Dad & mum are pleased. So am I. Mum sends me to school every single day of my exams. I top my class for O Levels and score 5 distinctions. Suddenly, the future's bright again.

I'm 17. And I'm in my dream school - SAJC..doing the subject combination of my choice. But I'm not enjoying myself at all. I spend everyday wondering how on earth people could be so mean & horrible. Politics is the name of the game and I'm hating it. I come home every night complaining to my parents.. and they patiently advise me - perhaps my true worth is not found in what other people think about me. I change my attitude, and people start to get nicer. We're friends now and everything's cool. Maybe I was the jerk..not them..

I'm 18 now and on the very 1st day of my A Levels, I totally lose the plot. I mess up physics paper 3. The weight of MY own expectations, hopes and fears is quite literally killing me. I'm going nights on end with absolutely no sleep. I'm losing grip on my sanity, but on the surface, I look calm and ready. The fear of losing everything that I had fought so hard for in the last 4 years is quite literally, on a knife's edge. And the thought of failure is killing me. On that fateful day, I come home and I simply break down. I cry and weep so bitterly, more than I've ever done my entire life (at least until that point). Mum hugs me and reassures me. I put aside all my fears and face the rest of the exam. I make it into NUS eventually - into the Faculty and course of my choice.

I'm 19. I'm a full time National Serviceman. I come home from camp one night after duty. My left ear is totally blocked. It's ringing very loudly and I can't hear from my left side. My world is spinning and I can't get up after I lie down on my bed. I begin to vomit. Once, twice, thrice, 4 times, 5 times.. Dad gets a bucket for me to puke in & gets mum to call 995. The ambulance arrives and rushes me to CGH. I'm still trying to vomit in the ambulance. I can't stand up, I can't even bear to open my eyes. My world is spinning, or maybe I am. The A&E doctor gives me an anti-vertigo jab and I see black. I wake up at 5am in the morning, and there dad is. Sitting straight on the chair and sleeping. He watched me through the night even after my world went dark.

I turned 20 3 days ago. I'm going to ORD in exactly 7 months and 5 days. NS is good since the move to ALD. ACCA exams just ended and I was studying with whatever time I could find. Mum made sure I got nurtitious food to eat everyday. Mum & dad have been granting me a great deal of autonomy - almost to the point of independence for the past 4-5 years. Perhaps they think I've earned my freedom. They leave almost every single choice there is to make to me. I'm almost totally my own government, and they are happy to sit back and provide the financial support, and other random ad-hoc things to make life easier for me as I rush all over the place. I'm still single. Mum doesn't mind that of course, but I know she's been praying hard that I find a good woman. haha. Perhaps I already have the right girl in mind, but then again, the heart of the girl I love is not mine to earn. It is God's to give (and her's to give as well). I don't think I'm going to be in a relationship anytime soon. But I'm willing to wait. 1st things 1st, God is and will always be my 1st love. Everything else is secondary. Mum's 60 in 2 weeks and dad will be 61 in November. I'd love to give them grandchildren before the Good Lord takes them home (as it must happen one day). But nobody knows the future - only God does. ;)


"The Best Day"

I'm five years old
It's getting cold
I've got my big coat on

I hear your laugh
And look up smiling at you
I run and run

Past the pumpkin patch
And the tractor rides
Look now -- the sky is gold
I hug your legs and fall asleep
On the way home

I don't know why all the trees change in the fall
I know you're not scared of anything at all
Don't know if Snow White's house is near or far away
But I know I had the best day
With you today

I'm thirteen now
And don't know how my friends
Could be so mean

I come home crying and you hold me tight and grab the keys

And we drive and drive
Until we've found a town
Far enough away

And we talk and window-shop
Until I've forgotten all their names

I don't know who I'm gonna talk to
Now at school
I know I'm laughing on the car ride home with you
Don't know how long it's gonna take to feel okay
But I know I had the best day
With you today

I have an excellent father
His strength is making me stronger
God smiles on my little brother
Inside and out
He's better than I am

I grew up in a pretty house
And I had space to run
And I had the best days with you

There is a video
I found from back when I was three
You set up a paint set in the kitchen
And you're talking to me

It's the age of princesses and pirate ships
And the seven dwarfs
Daddy's smart
And you're the prettiest lady in the whole wide world

Now I know why all the trees change in the fall
I know you were on my side
Even when I was wrong
And I love you for giving me your eyes
Staying back and watching me shine

And I didn't know if you knew
So I'm taking this chance to say
That I had the best day
With you today


Although they won't be reading this, I really do love my mum & my dad.... even though I don't always show it, and when I usually do, it's usually in quite a warped manner. haha

There goes my hardman reputation.